Poor Mina and a Poop Disaster

Mar 09 2010
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Thus far Tristan and Mina have got along surprisingly well. Tristan tugs at her tail and grips at handfuls of her fur and Mina stares off in disgust until it becomes too uncomfortable, at which point she makes a run for it. He’ll chase “iddy” from room to room and sometimes Mina even seems to enjoy the game, letting him get really close before dashing off at top speed.

But Tristan isn’t the bumbling little baby he once was. With each day that passes he gets more agile, quick, and determined. And more rascally, it would seem. Today I heard Mina yowl and when I ran into my room Tristan had her pinned under the lid of one of those plastic storage bins. A minute before he had been stroking at her feet! She’s going to have to start sleeping up high where he can’t reach her or risk getting smooshed in her sleep! Tristan’s going to keep getting bigger and stronger and Mina is just going to get older, so I think perhaps now is a good time to start teaching him the proper way to treat poor “iddy”. Mina (and any future pets) will thank me.

Today it was warm. So warm that I stripped Tristan down to his diaper and let him run around like that. I was sitting in the dining room checking my email when the Booger came running to me stark naked, giggled mischievously, and then turned and ran back to the living room. That was when I saw his poopy rear end. And the poopy diaper on the floor, which he had deftly ripped off. It took him all of 30 seconds to manage this mischief. I ran after him with a clean diaper and a wipe and then, since it was that time, I put him down for a nap.

I walked to the kitchen, chuckling to myself, amazed that he hadn’t made more a mess. I think it was around the time I was thinking that it’s a good thing I’m so vigilant when I stepped in the poop. A big, hot, stinky smear on the carpet. And call me crazy, but I’m sure Tristan was in his crib smirking with the satisfaction of a job well done.

In other news, Kostya left today. It’s SO nice to have the house to myself again! I really love being alone. It suits me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go dance around like a lunatic before hitting the hay.

Kostya, Tristan, cats, content, manners, poop | Posted by admin

We Got Rhythm

Mar 07 2010
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Me and my curious little man in the front yard.

My little man has rhythm.  He can’t hear any kind of music without moving along to it, even if it’s just background music in a commercial. He tosses his head forward and back for heavy music, bobs up and down for anything upbeat, spins in circles if it’s especially peppy, and sways gently to classical.

It cracks me up. And, with music oozing out of my pores, it makes me absolutely giddy. It makes me wonder, will he love music as much as I do? Will he play an instrument? The violin maybe (or am I hoping too much)? Does he have music in his blood like I do? The inborn talent to create music? I would never force any kind of lessons on him if he expressed that he wasn’t interested, but oh how I hope.

Will he be an artist or a writer like his Mama? Surely he will be creatively inclined. He seems the type; sensitive, observant, temperamental (haha).

My little joke with myself is that he’s going to play football. I was the artsy loner in school and now, as a kind of cosmic joke, my son will be the jock! The thought made me cringe at one time, but upon reflection I realized that it doesn’t really matter to me what he decides to do, as long as he enjoys it and is good at it. I’m sure he’ll be very talented at something, and I’ll cheer him on no matter what it is. I’ll be proud.

But hell, wouldn’t it be neat…

Tristan, creativity, music | Posted by admin

Fire In the Blood

Mar 04 2010
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My hair from July to December

I’m growing out my hair. I’ve had it in a pixie for the longest time but now I’m letting it grow, partly because I can’t find anyone in Arkansas who can cut it the way I like and partly because I want to feel more girly again. Sometimes it’s fun to change things up a bit. My hair is wacky. Sometimes it’s pretty much straight and other days it’s wavy and out of control. Most of the time it’s just mousy brown but some days you can see reddish bits of fire in it. Everything about me is moody, I guess…

My hair is heavy. I think it’s giving me headaches. Or maybe it’s lack of sleep and muscle tension that’s giving me heachaches. Hmmm.

The other day I noticed that I’m really starting to look my age. It made me sad. I’m not so old that it’s a big deal, but sometimes I miss being mistaken for a sixteen year old. My face is starting to look faintly like a roadmap. And what a journey it’s been! Ah ha ha. I see it the most in my hands though. I’ve always had pretty hands. I’m not vain about them or anything, and it doesn’t bother me that they look a bit weathered these days, it’s just something I noticed. It’s something that reminds me that time is passing.

I still have fire in my blood but my youth is over. I’m okay with that. It’s just… Interesting. Womanhood. This strength, this body, this cursed wisdom that I really could have used a few years ago. That’s not to say that I’m so wise; I’m sure I’ve still got a couple good mistakes left in me! I hope.

Here’s to mistakes!

I need to go wake Tristan up. I’m thinking too much.

getting older, superficial stuff | Posted by admin

He Loves Mama Best

Mar 02 2010
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Whenever Kostya tries to feed Tristan he shakes his head from side to side and and even starts to cry. If Mama comes along and takes over Tristan dutifully opens his mouth for whatever it is I’m feeding him. Whenever Kostya leaves the house Tristan waves his little hand at him and says “Buh bye!”. Whenever Mama leaves the house Tristan must be dragged kicking and screaming away from the front door.

I can’t help but be flattered by his obvious preference for Mama. Of course he’s more comfortable with me. I represent stability, routine, safety. Kostya is the fun but wishy washy fellow who could blow up at any moment and disappear. What amazes me is that Tristan so clearly recognizes this. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. He’s a clever boy. Yes, Mama is more bossy but she’s always there and the predictable routine she has established is comforting. Plus, I’m just awesome (Or so I’d like to think). So it makes sense that he feels closer to me.

What worries me is that he seems so… clingy. In the past I always admired that he seemed so independant. When I dropped him off at the nursery at church he didn’t even give me a backward glance, but now… Vanessa assures me it’s normal, a phase, and with three boys I guess she would know. It’s just that, and call me crazy, I was kinda hoping he wouldn’t be a total Mama’s boy. He probably wont be, and Vanessa’s probably right, this is just a phase. I just want him to be confident and self-reliant, and to love me deeply without clinging to me for dear life once he reaches adulthood.

I guess we’ve got a long way to go before I should start worrying about that, though.

Mina has been sleeping under the bathroom sink. I’ve been locking her in the bathroom at night because she gets hyper at night and wakes me up, which is UNACCEPTABLE. Sorry kitty. So now whenever I go in the bathroom and I’m doing my business she pops out from under the sink and meows in my face. It’s both amusing and disturbing. Gotta love cats.

How are things with Kostya, you ask? Have you ever got enraged while watching someone eat, I mean someone you loathe? Yech… Seriously though, who squirts a gallon of ketchup on a turkey sub and then cuts off a fourth of a block of cheddar cheese and plunks it down on their plate along with slices of tomato and other random things? GLUTTON. UGH. Smacking, slurping, burping, scratching, farting, Kostya.

Hey, it’s bad enough watching someone eat when you actually like them. I’ll be in charge of teaching Tristan table manners.

Kostya, Tristan, cats, manners | Posted by admin

A Blast From My Past

Feb 23 2010
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Guess who showed up at my door on the 18th? Tristan’s father, Kostyantyn! Though he’s been on his best behavior (which still isn’t saying much) I’m ready for him to leave already. I don’t like sharing my couch, my kitchen, or my bathroom with him. And, I’ll admit it, I don’t like sharing Tristan with him.

He loves his son, it’s true, but he’s clueless when it comes to parenting. Tristan has been fussier and is having issues going to bed since Kostya got here. And of course when I try to call Kostya on his mistakes he gets all bent out of shape like “No woman tell me what to do!” Yep. Just like old times. Then last night he got really pissed and we had something like an argument. It was awesome. Testament to how much I’ve changed.

I raised my voice a little bit but I didn’t scream and I wasn’t mean to him, I just laid down the law and told him if he didn’t like it he could leave. He then made a big show of packing his bags and asked for a phone number which I kindly gave him. I made myself self dinner, told him goodnight and adieu, and went to bed, absolutely thrilled that he didn’t have the power to get to me anymore. And of course when I woke up in the morning he was alseep on my couch, wrapped in his jacket, too stubborn to use the pillow and blanket I provided him with. Of course at that point he had no choice but to apologize.

He’s also ridiculously over-protective. It’s like when we lived with him in Brooklyn and Tristan didn’t learn to crawl because Kostya wouldn’t allow him the freedom of rolling around on the floor because it might be dirty. Then as soon as I moved to Arkansas and gave Tristan freedom he started (commando)crawling all over the place. When we were at the store the other day I told him to put Tristan down and let him run around and Tristan was having a blast. Then Tristan got a little over-enthusiastic and fell down and bumped his head. Oh jeez… Kostya immediately started lamenting that he never should have let Tristan run around. Then what should we do, put him in a protective bubble?

Let the boy run! Let him play! Let him get dirty! In other words, let him be a KID!

Anyway, I think I’m handling it all pretty well, except for the occasional urge to kick Kostya in the head, but I think most people have that urge when they get to know him.

I was in Wal-mart the other day with Kostya and Tristan and this woman stopped us and said something to us in a very serious voice, starting with the words “That baby…” but we didn’t catch the rest. We stopped, and somewhat tensely asked her what she had said (this lady looked VERY serious).

“That baby is the prettiest baby I have ever seen in my whole life.”

I said “I know, isn’t he!” but I think I was just supposed to say thank you or some such thing.

Thank you just seems an odd thing to say. I myself am in utter awe of this child. I am not so much “grateful” for the praise he receives; he is not some possession of mine. I am standing outside of him admiring him along with everybody else, charmed and amazed and overjoyed. I have to keep reminding myself that I admire him far more than anyone else and that every little sound and movement he makes, which I find so incredible and miraculous even, may not be so fascinating to everyone else.

Tristan keeps waving “Buh bye”, putting phones to his ear and saying “Uh-lo”, and saying “Uh oh” to every little thing! LOVE.

Kostya, Tristan, talking | Posted by admin

My Valentine

Feb 15 2010
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Yesterday was Valentines day. I went with Vanessa to church and for the first time Tristan cried when I dropped him off at the nursery. Seperation anxiety? I didn’t get far down the hallway before his cries drew me back. I peeked in the door, darted away, crept back, and danced around a bit in indecision before giving in and going through the door. As soon as Tristan saw me he dove into my arms. My little Valentine.

img_2841-1It was hard for the single woman in me to keep hating the holiday once I connected it to my little man. Who says it has to be about boyfriends? Children are so much better! They wont cheat on you or trample your self-esteem. They wont decide one day out of the blue that they don’t love you anymore. They are endlessly interesting and beautiful. This isn’t to say that there aren’t any good guys out there, because I know that there are. I’m just celebrating my favorite person in the world: my son.

Today we had to get out. I bundled us both up and carried Tristan as far as the shopping center and then I plopped him down on his eager little feet. He held Mama’s hand like a good boy and we slowly made our way down the sidewalk and into various stores. We browsed through Stage for a while and that was where Tristan drained me of most of my energy.

God help me if I took my eyes off that boy for two seconds. I purposely didn’t bring the stroller because I wanted him to get some exercise and have some fun. I didn’t think about how much exercise I would be getting…

To be fair, he was actually pretty well behaved. He grabbed at a few things but he didn’t make the mess I expected and when I let him carry around the earrings I had picked out he was pretty well satisfied with that. I just need a leash for him and I’ll be all set! It was absolutely exhausting, but I think I’ll go without the stroller more often, as long as I don’t have any heavy purchases to carry back (Tristan is heavy enough).

So tired… But happy.

Tristan, content, shopping, trips | Posted by admin

It Doesn’t Take a Rocket Scientist…

Feb 13 2010
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Last night I had a weird dream. I was at an old friends apartment, along with a couple of her other friends and we were just hanging out. I realized I had been quiet for too long and felt left out so I tried to think of something witty to say and ended up making a joke that got a lukewarm response. When my friend got up and seemed about to go in her room (out of boredom, perhaps?) I produced Tristan from thin air and introduced him to her. She took him in her arms and I became concerned because he was cranky and teething and I wanted her to see him as the sweet little charmer I know him to be.

I looked around her toward her bedroom, wondering if her son was there and I would finally get to meet him but my heart sank as I realized she wouldn’t have kept him here during a big party (and in fact it was rather innappropriate of me to have brought my own son to such an event).

It was then that her doorbell rang and people started arriving for the big party. Old old friends of hers, people from her work, all kinds of people piled in and her apartment stretched to accomodate them. I sat by someone I knew but he quickly got tired of bouncing Tristan on his knee and pretending to be interested in my parenthood stories so he handed back my son and turned to someone else.

Realizing that I had completely lost sight of my dear friend in this sea of cheerful party-goers I made my way out the front door only to find myself in a church. I wandered through the church for a while until I realized I had lost Tristan. All I could find of him was his fuzzy blue blanky (I probably could have woke up sobbing at this point).

I kept wandering and the church became maze-like and sent me in circles until finally I went through a curtain that led into… a gay bar. Even in the dream-state I was able to appreciate the humor…

I miss my friends…

dreams, friends | Posted by admin

A Few Small Repairs

Feb 09 2010
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My dad came over yesterday and brought a bunch of tools so we could fix what needed fixing. Of course he insisted on showing me how to use every tool and then made me demonstrate what I had learned, or not learned. Imagine me, staple gun in one hand, power drill in the other hand. Oh the horror!

I made Dad do most of the work when it came down to actually fixing things (like the door that wasn’t even connected to its bottom hinge) but I did manage to retain some knowledge and I’m confident that I can handle any minor household repairs from now on! Thanks Dad! And thanks for killing the little alien I found in Tristan’s room:

img_2810

This morning Tristan woke up crying. Not a good sign. I gave him some breakfast but after thirty minutes of crying and squirming he puked it back up.

Oh hell…

I rushed to him, wrapped him in a blanket, and swept him up in my arms as he continued to be sick everywhere. I always get frantic when he vomits. What do I do? Rush him to the bathroom? Run for a towel? Spin in circles while pulling out my hair? This time was different.

I held him and rocked him until it was over and we were both a mess. I rocked him and my normally vibrant little rascal went limp and his eyes glazed over. I rocked him until my scrawny arms ached, then I rocked him some more. 101 fever. Doctor can’t see him until 2.

A long day… So the doctor said he has tonsillitis and gave him antibiotics. I’ve been giving him baby tylenol to bring his fever down and my poor booger had been a little zombie. I’m feeling kind of sick myself.

I hope he gets better fast. There’s nothing more heartbreaking than seeing your child suffer and not being able to do anything to make him feel better.

…

I just had to run into Tristan’s room because he was crying. I gave him another dose of tylenol, talked to him, kissed him, and rocked him in my arms until his whole body relaxed completely. He’s now peacefully asleep with his “eddy” bear. There’s nothing more satisfying than being able to soothe your sick child and make him feel better.

Tristan, critters, illness, repairs | Posted by admin

Catching Up

Feb 03 2010
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A lot has happened since I last posted here. I had surgery. They took out my gallbladder. I am now officially a resident of Crapstink, Arkansas. I found a house in town, a short walk from the shopping center, for 450 a month and my step-mother argued the rent down to 350 a month because she’s awesome like that. Arkansas, I don’t especially like you, but you are cheap, I’ll give you that.

My sisters gave me all the furniture I needed and on the day I moved in Vanessa came over and cleaned the hell out of the bathroom. She also came by a few days later with a basket full of towels, cleaning supplies and other random things for the house. My family is nuts but in the end we’re always there for each other.

There is no shower.

It’s true. A tub and no shower. Sometimes it’s nice to take a long relaxing bath, but what single Mama has time for that? And I quickly discovered that water gets into my ears and causes me all kinds of discomfort.

The solution to that problem is earplugs, which led to a rather odd bathing experience. The bathroom is right next to Tristan’s room, his bed pretty much pressed up to the wall where the tub is, but with the earplugs in I can’t hear a damn thing and that makes me nervous. So, that’s what it’s like to be completely deaf… Right now my hearing at its best is just below the lowest point that is considered normal and from there dips down, way down into dark (or quiet, rather) territory. Not hearing anything at all makes me claustrophobic. The silence is oppressive and seems to close in on me. I actually started to panic and was happy to take the earplugs out, and did so almost frantically.

Tristan drives me crazy. In a good way. Ever since he learned to walk (when he was eleven months old, right after my surgery) he’s been so much happier, which means I’ve been so much happier.

I never thought I would feel this way about being a mother. All my life I said I didn’t want to have kids and I led such a reckless, selfish life. I dated guys who were not dad material (or just weren’t ready). And now… I love living my life for my son. I love the responsibility that rests on my shoulders even if it scares the shit out of me sometimes. It keeps me grounded. I’d do anything, give absolutely anything to see the beautiful little boy I created grow up to be a good man. He doesn’t need to be wealthy or famous, just a good person and I will consider myself to have been a successful parent.

I could go on and on about what a cute, smiley, charming little imp my son is but it’s late and I should go to bed.

Tristan, content | Posted by admin

Five things

Aug 04 2009
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dsc00004I’m not going to think about nausea or pain or stress today. I had a really bad couple of days after Kostyantyn told me he didn’t want anything to do with his son but now I’m over it and I feel closer than ever to my little booger.

And he’s really moving now! He’s EVERYWHERE. He’s getting into EVERYTHING. And he seems intent on wedging himself into every nook and cranny if I turn away from him for even a moment. He’s definitely keeping things interesting!

And now, five things I love about Tristan. I was going to do ten but the booger isn’t going to let me stay on the computer any longer!

1. When I’m sitting on the floor and he pulls up on me and lays his head on my chest. HEAVEN.
2. Since he got some teeth he’s been making this smacking noise with his mouth. It’s so cute!
2. When he’s really tired he laughs hysterically at every little thing I do.
3. Sometimes he yells while making fists and tightening all his muscles, and then he smiles.
4. His voice. His little “Ah Dah” and “Bah” and “Tah!”
5. Even if he’s really upset and crying he still smiles at me through his tears when he sees me.

That’s all for now.

Tristan, content | Posted by admin